Wednesday, July 30, 2014


LeBron James Changes Mind About 
 "Coming Home" 




7/29/14
      According to a league source LeBron James is having second thoughts about his decision to  go back home to Cleveland. LeBron recently signed a 2yr $42M contract to return to Cleveland. After all the hype and excitement of free agency, he's realizing he may be walking into a huge mess. LeBron disclosed a bunch of the reasons why he is having second thoughts in "Coming Home Part 2:"


 Dear Fans,

        I'd like to say thank you to the city Miami, the Miami Heat organization, and my great teammates throughout the amazing 4 years I had in Miami (I should have 4 rings though.) I am coming home to my hometown Cleveland, Ohio. But I am a bit worried, and I'd like to get some thoughts off of my mind. First of all, I have to be a mentor to a bunch of rookies. They'll be asking me for autographs and probably naming their kids after me.
        Also, I'll have Kyrie trying to steal my throne.  I have Wiggins who is looking for me to make him great. And an entire city desperate for a championship. Talk about pressure!
        Dan Gilbert is very mean. He hurt my feelings very badly when he wrote that letter. I still cry about it occasionally. And who would pick Anthony Bennett with the first pick? Plus, I'll have to be traveling and playing with Anderson Varejao (and his massive hair.)  I went with him to the World Cup and couldn't even see the field over his  hair.  I probably should have worked him getting a haircut into my contract negotiations. How can I score if I can't see the basket over his mountain of hair?
        Also, Quicken Loans Arena better make sure the air conditioning works for when I come into town. Because if I get cramps, I'm out. And if I'm out you can forget the playoffs.
         I promised 8 or more championships in Miami which we all know didn't happen. But in Cleveland I don't think we'll win 8, not 7, not 6, not 5, not 4, not 3, not 2, not even 1. I'm 100% serious.  I don't know why, but, I'M COMING HOME.

  Sincerely,
  LeBron James

Tuesday, July 29, 2014


   Knicks Andrea Bargnani Released and 
Re-signed to a Different Role 

7/29/14
    According to a league source New York Knicks bigman Andrea Bargnani has been released from his contract and resigned by Phil Jackson in a less demanding capacity. According to Jackson, Barnani's new role will include "non-basketball responsibilities" such as "reaching for high stuff and killing spiders." 

     Jackson recently pulled muscles in his back reaching for his legendary triangle offense playbook. After months of trying to figure out the best role for Bargnani in the Knick's new offense, Jackson determined that the new role better matches Bargnani's skill set.  

    "Let's face it," said Jackson in a recent interview. "He doesn't like to move around a lot, but he can reach high stuff."